Harry Potter and the Knight's Words
by jukehero461
Summary: In Harry's third year, a knight of an ancient order comes to Hogwarts, looking for a squire among the entirety of the student body. Her standards are high, and she spares no feelings in her search. A series of short interviews and interludes as a knight searches for a worthy candidate, sometimes in the most unlikely of places... (Connected drabbles, more or less.)
1. Chapter 1: Gone Questing

_**Chapter 1: Gone Questing**_

Dumbledore looked over his desk at the stoic visitor in his office. "I admit, I was rather shocked when I received your missive, my lady."

"You'd hardly be the first, headmaster. My order has a tendency to turn up unexpectedly."

"Yes… may I be frank, my lady?"

"You, Albus Dumbledore, be frank? This I MUST witness."

"I am not comfortable with you being in the castle. Your order has a certain… reputation."

"And you have one of your own, among those who don't worship at the hem of your robes."

"Quite. I'm afraid I cannot allow you to remain here if I don't know what you are here _for_."

"Headmaster, I do not need to explain myself. The Hogwarts bylaws explicitly state that my order is to receive hospitality no matter the circumstances."

"I am aware, but-"

"However, I will divulge the greater part of my mission to you. As you may be aware, since the Grindlewald war my order has been struggling to rebuild in many aspects."

"Indeed. I do remember your contributions in the conflict, my lady."

"Many do… but many do not. To that end we have scattered far and wide, seeking aid and working to ensure we are not forgotten by doing good wherever we can manage. We have succeeded, and are well on the mend, but there is one resource we are missing."

"And that is?"

"People to carry on the legacy. Finding worthy souls to join our ranks has proven increasingly difficult in recent years. And as such…"

"You mean to search among the staff?"

"No. Your staff is far too skilled as educators to spare for our efforts. We will not damage future generations by removing talented professors."

"I admit some relief there."

"Instead, I will be looking for recruits among the students."

"Absolutely not-"

"Peace, Albus. I do not mean that we shall steal them away. Nor will we indoctrinate them. More that I will offer select students the opportunity to study under me and learn the basics of the order. A part-time apprenticeship, if you will. Should they be interested, I will speak to them and their families about further training and arrange it with you to take place alongside their normal education."

"...Well, I admit that is far less worrying. Very well. Would you like me to announce you this evening?"

"That would be helpful, yes. Thank you, Professor Dumbledore."

"My pleasure, Commander Starsteel."

Harry looked up at the head table in mild confusion as the Headmaster rose for the year's opening announcements. Among the old favorites (Filch's complaints about banned items), a rather worn looking defense teacher (Remus Lupin, the man that had driven off the dementor on the train), and warnings of Sirius Black and the dementors around the castle, Harry and the rest of the student body were shocked when Dumbledore added at the end;

"And please join me in welcoming a woman of impeccable moral character, protector of the magical world, and one of the the seven field commanders of the Knightly Order of the Sapphire Path. I present to you, Knight-Commander Tiavel Starsteel!"

The room went still in shock as a woman strode up to the podium. She stood about five feet and nine inches tall, currently bedecked in a mix of midnight blue studded leather under sky blue metal plates, trimmed with silver and set with sapphires.

Her face was not beautiful, but it was assuredly noble, with high cheekbones and piercing brown eyes that seemed even darker alongside her dark skin and white hair (shaved except for a single long braid over one shoulder). She radiated command, even beyond what Professor McGonagall was capable of when she was in top form.

"Greetings to you all. I will be brief, as I'm sure you all wish to catch up with friends and prepare for tomorrow's classes. My order has sent me here for a single purpose; to find worthy young men and women to join our ranks when they are of age. In particular, I myself am looking for a squire."

A muttering broke out across the hall in shock and surprise, and not a little excitement.

"To this end, I will be watching over the course of the year, and will approach those I feel may be worthy. Of course, I will hold no ill will if any wish to approach me for questions or to seek a more direct evaluation… but be warned."

The hall started as one when the woman's gaze seemed to sharpen. "I do not suffer fools easily, and I do not enjoy having my time wasted. Approach for questions, but do not pester me. And only approach for evaluation if you are truly considering this path… because I will not be gentle with my words."

"Thank you for your time." And with that, the woman sat down and resumed a previous conversation with Hagrid.

As Dumbledore sent them all to bed, Harry looked around and came to the same conclusion many of his fellow students had; this was not going to be an ordinary year at Hogwarts.


	2. Chapter 2: Ron

_**Chapter 2: Ron Weasley**_

"...Young man, why do you approach me?"

"Er… Well, I heard you were looking for a squire and I thought I might be a good pick!"

"Did you now. Tell me, why is that?"

"Oh, uh… well, I'm a Gryffindor, so I'm brave and honorable, which is what a knight is all about, yeah?"

"Partially true, I suppose. Do you know what a squire does, young mage?"

"Well it's like a knight-in-training, isn't it? Learnin' all the powers and moves and such."

"Yes, but that is hardly all. A magical knight must learn manners, diplomacy, and as much of each branch of magic as possible. They must study, and train hard, and there is little time for leisure, even when one becomes a full knight."

"W-well, I could handle it!"

"I have heard of you, young Weasley. Your family name is well known to my order as a family of righteous and humble men."

"Really? Well! I'm sure that-"

"And you fall far short of your ancestor's standards. You are lazy, prejudiced, unkind to your friends-"

"OI! I'd never hurt my friends!"

"Oh? Then your calling Miss Granger a 'know-it-all' and 'mental' for pursuing her studies and attempting to help you pursue yours is not hurtful?"

"Uh…"

"Nor is pushing Mister Potter to ignore his studies and play chess with you, which you always win?"

"W-well…"

"Or egging him on to fight Slytherins because of your petty grudge?"

"Hey, Slytherins are evil! Everyone knows that!"

"Mister Weasley, no less than a dozen of my order's most revered commanders have been Slytherin. A knight must be clever and cunning, for the threats we face certainly are."

"B-but… but they're evil!"

"And what proof do you have of this? I seem to recall Sirius Black, the most notorious criminal in your country, was a Gryffindor. The dark lord before Voldemort was a Ravenclaw. One of Grindelwald's top generals was a Hufflepuff. The houses are simple groupings of traits, nothing more. For all that Gryffindors are supposedly 'noble and bold', I have met my share of traitorous cravens from the house."

"B-but… but Malfoy, a-and Parkinson and Crabbe and Goyle, they're all evil!"

"Again with that word, Mister Weasley. I have not been here long enough to say for myself whether those you mention are wicked in their hearts, but I can say with _utter certainty_ that for every Slytherin that is, as you put it so blindly, 'evil', there is likely one who is not, and you insult and belittle them because of a house they had little choice in joining."

"I…"

"You will not be my squire, Mister Weasley. Not today. And you never shall be unless you seek to change yourself and, frankly, grow up."

AN: I've always liked Ron, to be honest, even if he drives me bloody nuts at times. He's a good kid... but that's just it, he's a kid. They all are, I suppose, but Ron in particular clings to it the most and it brings the Trio down pretty often.


	3. Chapter 3: Hermione

_**Chapter 3: Hermione Granger**_

"Why do you approach, young lady?"

"I-I've read books about your order, and they… they're so _fascinating-_ "

"I do not do autographs."

"Wha- OH! No! No, I'm not… I mean, I want to ask about your order!"

"Very well. My order is founded on the principle that magic is a sacred force that lives in all things, and that magicals are blessed with the ability to beg its favor to change the world around them."

"A… 'force'?"

"Is there a problem?"

"N-no! No, uh, just something from the muggle world that you reminded me of."

"Ah, yes, Lucas' work. Closer than you'd think, in fact, though far more nebulous. In any case, why don't you ask me the question you are truly here for?"

"What… what qu-"

"Do you truly wish to attempt falsehood?"

"...C-can I become a knight?"

"I think, more accurately, you mean to ask if you can become my squire."

"Y-yes."

"...I do not believe so."

"But… why not?!"

"Because you are muggleborn."

"WHAT!?"

" _Peace_ , young woman. I do not mean that it is your heritage or bloodline itself that is the trouble. Rather, you do not have the perspective required."

"What _are_ you talking about?"

"You believe everything can be explained, categorized, labelled."

"Of course it can be!"

"Oh? And tell me, what would muggle science say if you were to pose the idea that a chicken could be turned into a pillow and vice versa by waving a stick?"

"What's that got to do with it?"

" _Everything._ You question and prod and poke. This is fine. In fact, I am glad to see such incredible curiosity and drive to learn in someone so young. But when you are faced with something that you think is impossible, you rationalize, find an answer that fits your precious worldview."

"I do not!"

"Oh? Then, let me test you. Picture that you had knowledge that you are one that hunts dark wizards. Imagine that such a dark wizard was going to strike a populated location in three days. However, you do not know what this wizard looks like. What do you do?"

"I try to find out how they will attack and what they look like."

"Of course. However, during the course of your investigation, you discover the spell they intend to use. It's a dark spell, but more importantly, one that you know a person you highly respect has studied, purely for academic purposes. For sake of this exercise, let's pretend it's Albus Dumbledore."

"I don't see the point."

"We're getting there, patience. Now, despite your best efforts, you do not know what your target looks like. However, you do know where they have to stand on the day of the attack to cast the spell most effectively. What do you do?"

"I hide in the area and observe the spot to see if anyone approaches it and tries to cast something."

"Very well. The day of the attack, as you observe the spot, you see Dumbledore stride up to the spot, wand in hand. What do you do?"

"I wait and watch."

"He begins to cast a spell, though you cannot see what spell from your angle."

"I… I let him. He's probably looking into the attack himself."

"Why? He is not a member of law enforcement. Nor is he a renowned investigator."

"B-but he's fought dark wizards before-"

"I have eaten a rabbit before. That does not mean I know how to track one."

"That's completely different!"

"Is it? Dumbledore has nearly completed the spell, what do you do?"

"I… I…"

"Your hesitation allows him to finish. The lives of dozens flicker and fade in an instant. You have failed."

"But Dumbledore would never do that!"

"And how do you know this?"

"H-he's Dumbledore! The greatest wizard of the age!"

"Debatable, but that would also mean that he is fully capable of casting such a spell. You knew the time and location, you knew Dumbledore had knowledge of the spell, you knew he had to stand in that precise place and cast. Why did you not act? Because, in your mind, you cannot fathom that Dumbledore can do wrong. Which, admittedly, is an astonishingly common occurrence, but I'd go so far as to guess you find all your teachers the same way, including that fool Snape, despite his frankly abusive behavior."

"But…"

"You are rigid. You cling to order and books, worried that the world may not live up to your standards. And you are right, it won't live up to them. It will fall short… or exceed your imagination. Books are nothing more than recordings. Important, certainly powerful in their own right, but nothing to center your life around when you've lived so little of it."

"But…"

"Go seek your comforting pages, young witch. Or, if you are as brave as your house colors claim, set them aside and go live for a while. You may learn something."

AN: Hermione is a great person. I love her to bits, she's the go-getter of the Trio... and until about 5th year is overly bossy and slavishly dedicated to authority.


	4. Chapter 4: Neville

_**Chapter 4: Neville Longbottom**_

"You there, young man!"

"Wha-! Er, yes?"

"May I know your name?"

"N-Neville. Neville Longbottom."

"Ah, that would explain it."

"What?"

"I knew your parents, young man. A fine pair. I count them among my greatest friends. Your resemblance to them is uncanny."

"O-oh! I-I'm glad to meet you, Miss-?"

"Starsteel."

"Y-you're the knight!"

"I am. Does this unnerve you?"

"I… uh…"

"Mister Longbottom, do you know why I am here?"

"To find a s-squire."

"Correct. Do you know why I am talking to you?"

"No?"

"I believe you might make a good knight, Mister Longbottom."

"W-w-wha?!"

"Are you well, Mister Longbottom?"

"W-why me?"

"Despite the ignorant rumors that persist around the school, I've been keeping a close eye on you. Your teachers unanimously agree you have astonishing potential, particularly Professor Sprout."

"R-really? Even Snape?"

"Snape does not teach, therefore he does not count."

"O-oh…"

"Beyond that, you are considerate, caring, and unlike so many in your house, you do not crow and brag about your accomplishments and have a remarkably level head, especially at your age."

"I… but I'm just a squib!"

"Pox upon that! If you're a squib then I'm a diricrawl in a tin can."

"B-but…"

"...Wait. That wand… isn't that your father's?"

"Yes… my gran said it's an honor to use it…"

"Oh? And is your grandmother versed in wand lore? Did she receive hers from a family member?"

"I don't… I don't understand."

"The wand chooses the wizard. This is not your wand, this is your father's. And since your father is alive, though comatose, it will not align itself to you. It would be considered unfaithful."

"O-oh…"

"That is nothing to be ashamed of, young man. It means that you have a poor match for your wand… and an ignorant fool of a grandmother. Don't gape. Here, try my wand."

"B-but I might break it-"

"Then that would put you ahead of four dragons, a manticore, two chimera, a few score dark wizards and one very annoyed house elf. Go on."

"A-alright, I don't think that-"

 _ **VREEEEEEN!**_

"...Interesting."

"I-I didn't mean to!"

"Oh, do not worry, I shall explain the hole in the castle wall. Tis' my fault for not insisting on a safer environment."

"...I did that?"

"Stunning observation, Mister Longbottom."

"But I… I'm…"

"A powerful wizard that a foolish old crone has belittled and looked down on, along with so many others. Perhaps I should send her a letter detailing the depths of my disappointment in the handling of her guardianship..."

"N-no, it's alright. I think I can talk to her."

"...Very well. In any case, the squirehood. You know what it entails?"

"Y-yes."

"I daresay your parents would be proud, as would your grandmother."

"Y-yes.."

"Your classmates would look up to you. None would call you weak ever again, or a squib."

"Yes..."

"You would be known for carrying on the Longbottom traditions, fighting for justice and the Light."

"Yeah…"

"Do you wish to be my squire?"

"..."

"Mister Longbottom?"

"...I-I… No."

"Mister Longbottom, such opportunities come rarely."

"I know… b-but… but I'd be doing it for the wrong reasons."

"And what are the right reasons?"

"To help people. To protect them from people like V-V-Voldemort."

"Why can you not have both? Prove yourself to all and do good in the world?"

"I-I could… b-but… but that's not what a knight is about, is it? Y-you don't do it for recognition, do you? If you let people like that in… then it wouldn't be special. You wouldn't be knights."

"I see."

"And… and I don't want to be a knight. I don't! I want to h-heal, to m-make things grow! I-I want to have a family that loves me a-and doesn't care about stupid things like power or wealth or b-being exactly like my father!"

"Hm."

"And y-you can laugh at me, y-yell at me, c-call me an idiot, b-but it's what _I_ want!"

"Then why do you allow others to mock you? Why do you allow your grandmother to choose your life?"

"...B-because I'm afraid."

" ...Right. Mister Longbottom, come with me."

"W-why?"

"We are going to Ollivander's, this MOMENT, and getting you a new wand. And if your grandmother objects, I will take that ridiculous vulture hat she loves far too much and turn it into a beanie, complete with propeller, because this fascination of making you into her son is utterly childish."

"But… but I have classes-"

"I will explain to the professors when we return. And I would ask a favor."

"W-what is it?"

"Do as you will. Do not bend to the desires of others unless it suits you. Be kind. I expect you to live a good life, Mister Longbottom, and spread that good to as many as you are able."

"T-thank you, commander…"

"It is no trouble. Though I find myself rather disappointed. You would have been a fine knight… and the offer stands, should you ever reconsider."

AN: Neville is one of my favorites. Of all the characters, his is the one that truly grows from a pathetic little seedling into a mighty, powerful tree later on in the series. I figured I'd give him a little love here.


	5. Chapter 5: Draco

_**Chapter 5: Draco Malfoy**_

"Lady Starsteel, I-"

"No."

"...what?"

"No, I will not make you my squire. And I prefer Commander as my title."

"But I haven't even asked yet!"

"Young man, I have been listening to a great many people and whispers about this castle, and you feature quite often in these whispers."

"Well, of course I do-"

"If one tenth of what I hear is true, not only are you horrifically unqualified, but in the due course of time you will possibly become one of those I fight."

"W-what!? Your order would be lucky to have a Malfoy in their ranks!"

"We need no men of bad faith, young man. We need those of great purpose and greater spirit, and you are sorely deficient in both."

"How dare you! I'm the scion of a noble lineage-"

"And how, precisely, does that qualify you in the least?"

"My blood is pure and my magic strong!"

"Irrelevant."

"WHAT?!"

"Did I stutter? I said _irrelevant_ young man. Unnecessary, unrelated, not pertaining in the least. Your 'noble lineage' is of no use to the order. Your blood means precisely nothing here. The strength of your magic means little without showing any skill with it."

"I've got plenty of skill!"

"Indeed? Very well. A test of theory then."

"Umm…"

"What is the name of the singular charm that can repel a Dementor?"

"The Patronus Charm."

"Good. What potion inspires extreme fortune to the imbiber?"

"Felix Felicitus, the luck potion."

"Hm. Name three Dark Lords of Europe that have been active in the last two hundred years."

"Hephson Victrim, Gellert Grindlewald, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"Who, Mister Malfoy?"

"You-Know-Who!"

"I'm afraid I do not."

"What?! He was the greatest sorcerer of his generation!"

"Debatable. And if you cannot even say his name, then how are you brave enough to be a knight?"

"...V-Voldemort."

"Good. Now, one last question. Should you answer correctly, I shall reconsider allowing you to be my squire."

"Go on then!"

"Patience, young lordling. The last question… what do all Dark Lords throughout all of history have in common?"

"They all were of noble blood!"

"No, they were not. You expect them to have been noble blood back when nobility didn't even exist? And many dark lords and ladies were of common birth as well."

"Er… they were all pureblood wizards!"

"No, half-bloods and muggleborn have become dark lords in the past."

"Wha-? No, nevermind. Ummm… mastery over dark magic?"

"No. Several dark lords were terrible at dark magic, but used dark means of other kinds to further their goals, such as potions or rituals or an affinity with dark creatures."

"...I… I don't know."

"Truly? It's quite obvious when you think about it."

"Well? Tell me!"

"It's quite simple, young Malfoy. Every single dark lord that has ever existed… was defeated."

"What!?"

"Goodness, I truly do need to exorcise your history teacher. Every dark lord in the history of wizardkind has eventually lost. Oh, they may have taken over and ruled for some time, but the moment justice caught up to them, they were bested… usually by a hero, and often one of my order. Not one self-proclaimed 'Dark Lord' has ever lived out their natural lifespan, as Dark magic has a tendency to warp body and spirit. Magic is the force of life, young lordling, and it does not appreciate those who twist it to their own ends. Besides, the changes they wished to inflict upon society often end up being reversed to the point where their world is changed even further from the ideals they espoused."

"What do you mean!?"

"For example, two hundred and some years ago, a powerful sorceress attempted to enslave the whole of France. She enticed and enchanted the nobility, both muggle and magical, and bewitched them with charm and potion until they were all but her slaves, preaching about the superiority of the noble lines. Her… proclivities are still not spoken of in France, so horrible were they. She even managed to put the muggle king and queen under her control, which was supposed to be impossible due to ancient protections."

"Was she pureblood?"

"It is unknown and thoroughly irrelevant. Please pay attention, Mister Malfoy. In any case, she lived a debauched, privileged life, and enjoyed making her slaves oppress the general population. To the point that a few years later, revolution occured. The famous French Revolution, to be exact. A particularly clever rival sabotaged her charms and rendered her vulnerable for a single day. During which time, she was caught and executed… by muggle revolutionaries."

"No muggle could-!"

"I assure you they did, quite easily. She may have been a talented manipulator but she was no fighter, and words often fail at the front of a furious mob. The wizards she controlled were released, and in her passing, the wizarding nobility of France was decimated in the chaos… afterwards, the democratic ideals of the muggles began to take hold, in a primitive form. Something no wizard would have considered before she stepped in, but the idea of their world being held hostage if the leader was ensorcelled again filled them with fear, and they broke away completely from the old way of nobility rule."

"Since the noble class was, as I said, thoroughly decimated, they were unable to prevent such changes. Even now, many of the surviving noble houses are looked on with distrust in magical France… in fact, I believe your family came to Britain to escape such accusations, Mister Malfoy."

"What?!"

"Oh dear, do you not even know your family's own history? For all that I hear your constant espousing of the greatness of the Malfoy house, you know nothing of its deeds, whether nefarious or noble?"

"I… my father-"

"-Is a political animal, clever, cunning and cruel. I find it quite easy to believe that he has not told you of certain aspects of the family history."

"My father would never lie to me!"

"Did I say he lied, Mister Malfoy? No, I said that I suspect he has withheld information that would see you questioning him. He was a Slytherin for a reason."

"...I don't…"

"Mister Malfoy, I do not mean to impugn your family honor, but I know your father, and frankly, that you consider following in his footsteps is disturbing to say the least."

"M-my father is a great man!"

"Perhaps. And it is true, great men often have done terrible things for their beliefs… though I find the greatest men are those who seek to elevate all, not just themselves and their kin."

"Hmph…"

"Scoff all you like, Mister Malfoy, but the Four Founders of Hogwarts certainly thought so to make this school, Salazar Slytherin included."

"..."

"I see I have given you much to think on. One last thing, however, young Malfoy. What is the motto of your house?"

"Malfoys bow to no one."

"Indeed… and yet, your father knelt before the Dark Lord, not as an equal, but as a servant."

"He was Imperiused!"

"Do you believe that, young Malfoy?"

"..."

"You will not be my squire, young Malfoy. But I think that you may one day be great, in a way that will put your father to shame… if you are brave enough to try. Good evening."

AN: Malfoy is a git.

This is unarguably true. He is a spoiled, pampered brat of a pureblood. That said, I love what Rowling did with his character, and I always wondered what would happen if he'd maybe gotten enough of a kick to his worldview earlier on to make him employ some of that Slytherin cunning.

I doubt he'd ever be good, but I think it's quite possible he'd leap back from evil, eventually.


	6. Chapter 6: Fred and George

_**Chapter 6: Fred and George**_

"Such a wonderful day it is, Gred."

"Indeed it is, Forge."

"The sun is shining,"

"The firsties are playing,"

"And the view from up here is quite excellent."

"Indeed. Though you know what would make it better?"

"A bit of proper mayhem?"

"True, but perhaps something more pressing?"

"If we weren't hanging upside down from the Astronomy tower?"

"Spot on, brother."

* _sigh_ * "Do you two ever quit?"

"Us?"

"The princes of pandemonium?"

"The causers of calamity?"

"NEVER!"

"Hmph. Are you at least learning your lesson?"

"Oh indeed, our dear lady!"

"We have certainly learned,"

"That if you are going to prank a knight,"

"Then be sure to bring your A-game!"

"Silly of us to think otherwise."

"Oh, quite. And we were so sure about the rubber-chicken-in-the-scabbard trick."

"Juvenile of us, Forge."

"Insulting even, Gred!"

"Are you done? Keep in mind I am more than willing to drop you and see if you bounce."

"...Done."

"Quite done, yes."

"Good. Now that I have you here, I wanted to ask you a question or two."

"Such an honor."

"Truly."

"First… why are you hiding your abilities?"

"Er…"

"What?"

"In class. As ridiculous as you two are, you have to be rather clever to invent such trifles. I was nearly fooled a few times, and frankly that is _exceedingly_ difficult to do."

"Er… well…"

"Uh…"

"Keep in mind I could get bored at any moment…"

"Right then, full disclosure Forge?"

"If you can't trust a knight, who can you trust Gred?"

"Right. Y'see, good lady…"

"The answer to your questions can be summed up in two words;"

"Our mother!"

"...What? I would think she wants you to succeed!"

"Oh she does!"

"Quite energetically."

"She wants us to get excellent grades."

"Get all our OWLS and NEWTS."

"Maybe even that most dreaded position…"

"PREFECT!"

"The horror!"

"The scandal!"

"Well what on earth is wrong with that? Many opportunities open up in such a case."

"And where do those opportunities lead, oh lady of pointy bits?"

"To Gringotts and musty old tombs or dull ledgers like brother Bill?"

"To a dragon reserve to get burned and bit like brother Charlie?"

"To the Ministry to sell our souls and lose hope like dear old dad?"

"To Hogwarts to spend even MORE time in the same place as Snape?"

"To _responsibility?_ "

"To _respectability?_ "

"BUGGER THAT!"

"...And what does your mother have to do with this?"

"Mum wants us to be so _bloody_ respectable,"

"So mind-numbingly _responsible_ ,"

"No fun,"

"No color,"

"No character,"

"No _pride,_ "

"AND WE WON'T DO IT!"

"We love her,"

"We really do,"

"And she means well,"

"She really does,"

"BUT WE WON'T DO IT!"

"...I see. Interesting. And incredibly stupid."

"What?!"

"What!?"

"Honestly boys, why not do well in your courses? You're plenty clever enough, and it would give you more than enough options to do as you like."

"You haven't met our Mum."

"If we do well she'll nag us into Ministry jobs at all cost."

"Oh? But you mentioned two brothers that are most definitely not in the Ministry."

"Well yeah…"

"...but Mum still nags on them all the time."

"Frankly it seems like your mother needs to get over her protective instincts and let you be. And would I be wrong in thinking you both are looking for a life more adventurous and 'colorful' than the Ministry?"

"You would be-"

"-spot on, dear lady."

"Then, perhaps, you two would be interested in becoming my squires?"

"...Fred?"

"Yeah George?"

"I think the blood has gone to my head, because I could have just sworn the lovely knight offered us a position as her squires."

"Ah, then I must be having a similar problem. I heard the same thing, but there is no way such a noble woman would consider two vagabonds like us."

"Oh indeed, one would have to be barmy."

"Mad."

"Looney."

"A complete nutter."

"I assure you both, this is a serious offer."

"Oh!"

"Well, since it's a _serious_ offer,"

"Then I think we can safely say,"

"No,"

"But thank you!"

"...Misters Weasley, this would allow you travel widely, see the world and have more adventure in a month than most would find in a lifetime."

"Indeed it would."

"We have no doubts there!"

"But we want to make people laugh!"

"We want to make people smile!"

"Sticking swords in dark wizards,"

"Hunting dangerous creatures,"

"Kissing gorgeous foreign women,"

"Does sound quite appealing,"

"Especially that last one."

"But while knighthood is a nice place to visit,"

"We wouldn't want to live there."

"...So you two want to be… what, precisely?"

"Well, since 'professional prankster' isn't currently a job,"

"We thought we'd make it one,"

"And open a shop when we graduate!"

"'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!'"

"It's got vim!"

"Vigor!"

"Alliteration!"

"We figure we'd make some nifty little gadgets for the Aurors too."

"Shield cloaks and stuff."

"Though we're still working it all out."

"But we have four more years here."

"We have time yet."

"...Well, I admit to being disappointed. But I can understand that. Though I would like to point out something."

"Yes?"

"Starting a business takes quite a lot of capital, how do you intend to go about it?"

"Well, we figured we'd start selling by mail order in a year or two."

"Then get a loan from Gringotts for a storefront."

"And why, exactly, would the goblins be willing to risk a loan on two hoodlums with few OWLS with a reputation for pranks and tomfoolery?"

"...huh. George?"

"...Yeah, Fred?"

"I think we've overlooked a key factor in our master plan."

"I think we may have, my less-attractive brother."

"You know what this means, right?"

"That we have to actually pay attention to the greasy git in class?"

"NO! ...well, maybe a little, but even worse… Percy was right!"

"OH GODS!"

"Well, I think you two have learned your lesson. Good evening."

"Wait!"

"Aren't you forgetting something?!"

"Hmm? Oh, of course."

"See, she wouldn't leave us up here all night, Fred."

"A true paragon of forgiveness, Georg- er, why's she got her sword out?"

"Wha- oh dear."

"Have a nice trip boys."

"Er, is it too late to apologi- AAAAAAAH!"

"Hah! ...Professor McGonagall? Are you there still?"

""I heard every word. Thank you for speaking to them."

"Such a shame. Brilliance like that is to be cultivated and cherished, and their mother is stifling it."

"I shall speak to her in due course… though…"

"They will reach the bottom of the tower unharmed. I cast the Featherweight charm on the both of them earlier, and a Softening charm around the base of the tower."

"Good, good. Though I admit I am rather jealous."

"Oh? Why?"

"I've wanted to throw those two off a tower for three years now."

AN: Who wouldn't?

Surprised they got considered? They're brave, cunning, loyal and smart, if incredibly chaotic and undisciplined in the extreme. I think the idea of them being knights is simultaneously funny and _terrifying_ to consider. XD


	7. Chapter 7: Luna

_**Chapter 7: Luna**_

"Hello, Lady Knight!"

"Hello Miss Lovegood. How are you today?"

"Oh, most excellent. I saw a Wistfulsome Fumbler down by the lake among the reeds. It was quite friendly."

"...I do recall that Mister Longbottom was down there earlier as well."

"Yes! And it's wonderful to see him without the wrackspurts!"

"Indeed, he's filled with a new purpose."

"And Draco's nargle infestation is getting attacked by wrackspurts as well, and I think I saw a Creeper Quizzling following him too!"

"Oh yes, he's seemed far more thoughtful. Have the wrackspurts been winning?"

"I can't tell yet, it's pretty hectic in there."

"I can imagine. What about the Weasleys I've spoken to?"

"Fred and George got bit by a Worksome Wabbajack, and there's wrackspurts all around them… but they don't seem to be actually nesting."

"That's because they're carriers, not actually infested, Luna."

"Oooh! Of course! Ron's… well, Ron. That Vegetative Slother on his back is munching on his wrackspurts. His nargle problem is much better though, and his Lipoflapper has wandered off."

"He has been watching his words a bit more, hasn't he? We'll see if he manages to continue this trend."

"Has Percy approached you?"

"No. He seems set on attempting for a job in the Ministry. Adventure doesn't suit him, despite being a Gryffindor."

"He also has that rather uncomfortable Grumpulous Stalk wedged up his-"

"Oh yes. It makes him rather unsuited for the order."

"Are you sure? If he was ever disarmed he could pull it out and use it as a backup weapon."

"*snrk* N-no, Luna, I think he's rather set in his course. What about Miss Granger?"

"Oh! She was so _beset_ by wrackspurts when she came back after talking to you. She even hugged Harry so tight some of them jumped off onto him!"

"Well, having a tearful young witch run up and hug you unexpectedly can do that."

"She had Woeful Wozzlers trundling behind her for a day or two, even in the library. But then she started going outside and talking to some of the other girls in her classes. They left after that, such shy creatures, and her wrackspurts have been clearing. I keeping an eye on her, she might attract a Gleeful Wibbet if she keeps on going."

"Oh, good for her. I was worried she wouldn't listen."

"Oh, she still nods along to anyone with Officious Hatsnore hovering over them, but she's fighting off the wrackspurts that come with it."

"Very good! Thank you for the update Luna."

"What update, Commander?"

"Of course. Have fun, Miss Lovegood. And do tell me if a certain few nargles in your house decide to try and get up to their old tricks again, I'm sure I can scare them away."

"Oh, they're still scared. I think they may even be scared into next year."

"Good. Nargle infestations should be nipped in the bud after all."

"Oh yes, otherwise you might get a Moldyshorts fungus like we did twelve years ago."

"Indeed. Well, carry on, Miss Lovegood."

"Good day, Commander!"

AN: Luna isn't knight material, but as an unnoticed aide? She's the perfect observer.

And if a few nargles suddenly discover that poor old Looney has a friend with a big, sharp sword, well, nargles are notoriously afraid of pointy things.


End file.
